Whenever I fail to think of ideas for blog posts, I grab Rambo and have us sit down to have a transcribed conversation.
"Hello, Rambo," I said.
"What's up?" he asked.
"Not much. What's up with you?"
"Not much. Just eating and pooping like normal."
"Rambo! That's not appropriate."
"What? Everybody eats and poops."
"Not true, actually. Many people go hungry, and hunger is not a game."
Rambo shook his head. "That pun is dumb."
"Yes, but it brings me to my point: how can stories portray ideas? See, The Hunger Games has been criticized for its lack of morality in the story. Some of the characters do evil things and those evil things aren't always shown as evil. Another story I found recently (which you can find here) is a story about a robot which does bad things, and is the protagonist of the story."
"What's your point?"
"I guess my point is this: can a good story portray good accurately without a 'good' hero?"
"Well, how should I know? In all the stories you write I'm a perfectly good hero."
I paused. "Well, we'll see how you act in further stories before you go bragging about that."
"Well, what's your point?"
"I don't know. I just wonder if you can present an idea or propose a question, and never really provide an answer."
"That sounds like a good question," said Rambo. "Think we should answer it?"
"Yes."
Rambo sighed. "Your wit is as unwelcome as your puns."
Showing posts with label Rambo. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Rambo. Show all posts
Friday, August 15, 2014
Friday, July 11, 2014
One Year
That's right, I've been blogging now for about a year! (I started June 24, 2013). Thus, without further ado, I'm going to bring out our host: Rambo the Magnificent!
Hello Ladies and Gentleman. How are you all? I hope you have had a good day. Or a good night. Either way, I'm not picky. As long as you're here, I'm going to talk your ear off.
They say it's best to start off with some preamble. So now I'd like to invite my friend Pre to come up here and amble.
That's more of a visual joke.
Anyway! When Jesse told me to come up here and walk you through the One Year Birthday, I was excited. I mean, it's basically me saying random stuff and getting paid for it! (What, you don't get paid for blogging?) But enough of all that, let's get on to the good stuff!
Top 3 posts of the year!
3. Reasons to Watch Popular Films. Posted May 9, 2014.
This one makes the most sense to me. Jesse wrote about popular films in response to a challenge posed by a podcast. I think the podcast mentioned it, which is probably why a lot of people saw this. I read over it and thought the logic was a bit faulty. I think I'll stick to watching the sunset, thank you very much. That's not very popular these days.
2. News. Posted July 8, 2013
This one I can understand. This was when Jesse announced his first story had come out. I guess people were really excited and told all their friends. I know I told my friends, but they don't have internet to check blog posts. If they did, they'd probably just watch funny human videos on youtube.
1. Everyone is Connected. Posted March 28, 2014
This is kind of surprising to me. This was Jesse's review of God's Not Dead, the Christian film that came out early this year. I haven't seen it, but Jesse thought it was okay, and it seems people thought his review was grand. Or maybe he just got extra publicity since the movie was so popular.
Top Interview of the Year!
3. Interview with Jessica Verve. Posted August 9, 2013
Interviews are obviously going to have a lot of views, because the interviewed will post about it on their respective social media. Therefore, more people are going to see it. In fact, these three interviews were all in the top ten posts of the year. About this specific interview? Jesse says it's the most fun interview he has done. It's probably because of the cool name of the person he interviewed.
2. Interview with Jeremiah Lang. Posted Jan 23, 2014
This was an interview with a brand new author celebrating the release of his first book. There was lots of talk about books and stories and all sorts of other stuff common to interviews.
1. Interview with Faith Blum. Posted December 8, 2013
This was the second most viewed post of the last year. This was part of a blog tour, which was probably why it got a lot of views. It was also celebrating the author's debut novel. Jesse says this is the only person he interviewed whose novel he hasn't read. About that, he is sad. But, not time to waste crying, time to move to the next topic!
Looking forward to next year:
Topics Jesse hopes to write on: Jesse says he hopes to write about spoilers, write more movie reviews, and write more book reviews. He also hopes to not take a huge break during the middle of the year like he did last year (shame, shame). He also hopes to have more conversations with us cats, like he did once around Easter. I think that would be quite enjoyable, because it will mean me being on more!
People Jesse hopes to interview: He hasn't worked up much of a spine yet, so he'll probably stick to low-key authors and indie published authors or, possibly, even unpublished authors who are hoping to some day. Of those possibilities, he hopes to interview Juliet Lauser, Katie Lynn Daniels, and anyone else he can work up the nerve (and the time) to talk to. (Jesse's giving me a warning look, so I'd better wrap up).
Well, I hope you've enjoyed the last of year of Jesse's blog. Comment below if you enjoyed it, and tell Jesse that I should be on here more. Have a good day, night, or otherwise! Farewell!
Hello Ladies and Gentleman. How are you all? I hope you have had a good day. Or a good night. Either way, I'm not picky. As long as you're here, I'm going to talk your ear off.
They say it's best to start off with some preamble. So now I'd like to invite my friend Pre to come up here and amble.
That's more of a visual joke.
Anyway! When Jesse told me to come up here and walk you through the One Year Birthday, I was excited. I mean, it's basically me saying random stuff and getting paid for it! (What, you don't get paid for blogging?) But enough of all that, let's get on to the good stuff!
Top 3 posts of the year!
3. Reasons to Watch Popular Films. Posted May 9, 2014.
This one makes the most sense to me. Jesse wrote about popular films in response to a challenge posed by a podcast. I think the podcast mentioned it, which is probably why a lot of people saw this. I read over it and thought the logic was a bit faulty. I think I'll stick to watching the sunset, thank you very much. That's not very popular these days.
2. News. Posted July 8, 2013
This one I can understand. This was when Jesse announced his first story had come out. I guess people were really excited and told all their friends. I know I told my friends, but they don't have internet to check blog posts. If they did, they'd probably just watch funny human videos on youtube.
1. Everyone is Connected. Posted March 28, 2014
This is kind of surprising to me. This was Jesse's review of God's Not Dead, the Christian film that came out early this year. I haven't seen it, but Jesse thought it was okay, and it seems people thought his review was grand. Or maybe he just got extra publicity since the movie was so popular.
Top Interview of the Year!
3. Interview with Jessica Verve. Posted August 9, 2013
Interviews are obviously going to have a lot of views, because the interviewed will post about it on their respective social media. Therefore, more people are going to see it. In fact, these three interviews were all in the top ten posts of the year. About this specific interview? Jesse says it's the most fun interview he has done. It's probably because of the cool name of the person he interviewed.
2. Interview with Jeremiah Lang. Posted Jan 23, 2014
This was an interview with a brand new author celebrating the release of his first book. There was lots of talk about books and stories and all sorts of other stuff common to interviews.
1. Interview with Faith Blum. Posted December 8, 2013
This was the second most viewed post of the last year. This was part of a blog tour, which was probably why it got a lot of views. It was also celebrating the author's debut novel. Jesse says this is the only person he interviewed whose novel he hasn't read. About that, he is sad. But, not time to waste crying, time to move to the next topic!
Looking forward to next year:
Topics Jesse hopes to write on: Jesse says he hopes to write about spoilers, write more movie reviews, and write more book reviews. He also hopes to not take a huge break during the middle of the year like he did last year (shame, shame). He also hopes to have more conversations with us cats, like he did once around Easter. I think that would be quite enjoyable, because it will mean me being on more!
People Jesse hopes to interview: He hasn't worked up much of a spine yet, so he'll probably stick to low-key authors and indie published authors or, possibly, even unpublished authors who are hoping to some day. Of those possibilities, he hopes to interview Juliet Lauser, Katie Lynn Daniels, and anyone else he can work up the nerve (and the time) to talk to. (Jesse's giving me a warning look, so I'd better wrap up).
Well, I hope you've enjoyed the last of year of Jesse's blog. Comment below if you enjoyed it, and tell Jesse that I should be on here more. Have a good day, night, or otherwise! Farewell!
Friday, May 23, 2014
Not Me
I have difficulty writing characters. I've always preferred coming up with plots or cool twists to character arcs, while never actually being able to move the character along the arc. Still, characters are the heart of the story. They carry the reader throughout a story and without good characters, even the best plot is brought down. Therefore, I write characters as well as I can. In order to keep from falling into cliches, I craft all my characters after the character I know best: my own. This works well for villains as well as heroes. Unfortunately, especially since my stories are told in first person, all the characters end up feeling like they all have the same character.
So I am learning as I go. I try to craft each character after myself, as to capture a sense of realism, while still making them separate from myself. The hardest part, interestingly enough, is realizing that not all people have the same morals and ideologies that I do. Naturally, this is most easily recognized in the villains. Villains do horrible things, sometimes thinking it is admissible because of the goal and sometimes just doing it for fun. However, their deeds are recognized as horrible. I don't have to wrestle through with the question of whether a good character should do that thing because the character is evil! It is much harder to have a good character do a deed which, though it disagrees with my morals, is not actually wrong.
Say, for instance, Rambo becomes angry and kills someone out of revenge. That is wrong. And even though he is a good character, that is explained because he has shortcomings. However, to have Rambo do something which I disagree with, such as go to war, is harder for me to write because I have not put myself into the mindset of someone who believes in Just War. Rambo, by doing that, is not wrong. People can be good and noble and disagree with me. In actuality, it brings more realism to my writing to have characters which disagree. The challenge is to write well characters who disagree with me.
There is another challenge in this 'character writing' stuff: lack of redemption. I'm the type of person who wants all the bad guys to apologize at the end and everyone to live together as one big happy family. Sure, it's cheesy, but wouldn't that be amazing? All I would have to do to stop a mugging would say, "Hey! Stop that!" and the mugger would apologize and we'd go out for tea. That's not how it works in life, and, therefore, that's not how it should work in stories. Yes, there is redemption in life, and there can be redemption in story. However, not every character gets redeemed and that must be recognized. Sometimes it takes leaving the villain to die to truly create good art. Sometimes, in life or in story, people must be left to their own devices. They may choose good, they may choose bad. But in the end they must choose. If Rambo decides he wants to become a greedy millionaire who rips animals off until everyone around him is poor, and chooses to stay that way, then do I have the guts to let him stay there? Sure, the other characters (Butch and Spot, etc) will try to change his mind. But some character's minds just won't be changed. Do I have the courage to say, "I have my morals and you don't and, even though it's sad for me, I'm not going to force you to change."?
What about you? Have you ever really connected with someone who has different morals than you? Have you ever had to allow someone to go their own way in life? Comment below and tell me about it!
So I am learning as I go. I try to craft each character after myself, as to capture a sense of realism, while still making them separate from myself. The hardest part, interestingly enough, is realizing that not all people have the same morals and ideologies that I do. Naturally, this is most easily recognized in the villains. Villains do horrible things, sometimes thinking it is admissible because of the goal and sometimes just doing it for fun. However, their deeds are recognized as horrible. I don't have to wrestle through with the question of whether a good character should do that thing because the character is evil! It is much harder to have a good character do a deed which, though it disagrees with my morals, is not actually wrong.
Say, for instance, Rambo becomes angry and kills someone out of revenge. That is wrong. And even though he is a good character, that is explained because he has shortcomings. However, to have Rambo do something which I disagree with, such as go to war, is harder for me to write because I have not put myself into the mindset of someone who believes in Just War. Rambo, by doing that, is not wrong. People can be good and noble and disagree with me. In actuality, it brings more realism to my writing to have characters which disagree. The challenge is to write well characters who disagree with me.
There is another challenge in this 'character writing' stuff: lack of redemption. I'm the type of person who wants all the bad guys to apologize at the end and everyone to live together as one big happy family. Sure, it's cheesy, but wouldn't that be amazing? All I would have to do to stop a mugging would say, "Hey! Stop that!" and the mugger would apologize and we'd go out for tea. That's not how it works in life, and, therefore, that's not how it should work in stories. Yes, there is redemption in life, and there can be redemption in story. However, not every character gets redeemed and that must be recognized. Sometimes it takes leaving the villain to die to truly create good art. Sometimes, in life or in story, people must be left to their own devices. They may choose good, they may choose bad. But in the end they must choose. If Rambo decides he wants to become a greedy millionaire who rips animals off until everyone around him is poor, and chooses to stay that way, then do I have the guts to let him stay there? Sure, the other characters (Butch and Spot, etc) will try to change his mind. But some character's minds just won't be changed. Do I have the courage to say, "I have my morals and you don't and, even though it's sad for me, I'm not going to force you to change."?
What about you? Have you ever really connected with someone who has different morals than you? Have you ever had to allow someone to go their own way in life? Comment below and tell me about it!
Friday, April 18, 2014
Jesse and Rambo - A Conversation on Enemies
It'd been a while since Rambo and I had talked, due to the fact that we were both so busy. Rambo had been managing the farm and watching the kittens, while I'd been working sluggishly on getting the cats' second adventure on paper. Finally, however, we got together just to talk.
I started. "Hi Rambo, how're you today?"
Rambo shrugged, sitting lazily on a table so I didn't have to look down at him. "I'm fine. You?"
I tried to sit up in my chair so I didn't look unprofessional. "I'm okay." I balanced the laptop on my lap. "You don't mind that I'm writing this down, do you?"
"Are you writing down what we're saying now?" he asked.
I paused. "Yes."
"That's going to be boring."
I cleared my throat. "Anyway, I just need something to put on the blog and I figured a conversation between me and you would be interesting for the fans."
"Fans?" Rambo asked. "You mean your grandparents and maybe a bored crow?"
"Don't crush my self esteem."
"Whatever. What did you want to talk about?"
"Well, I was going to talk about enemies, but you seem a bit dour today (dour means grumpy, for anyone who doesn't know) so why don't you tell us why?"
"Us?"
"Me. And the fans."
Rambo smirked. "Right. The fans. Well, I've been busy. Watching out for intruders, keeping everything running smoothly, and making sure [redacted] and [redacted] are doing okay."
"Don't say that: people don't know who [redacted] and [redacted] are."
"Right. Still, the hardest part of 'that last thing' is keeping track of all the Sasha rumors."
"Sasha rumors! Okay, now maybe we can get onto the topic I wanted to talk about: enemies."
"Why would you want to talk about enemies?"
"Because enemies are relevant. Especially at this time of year."
"What exactly do you mean by that?"
"Well, it's Easter time. That's when we humans celebrate forgiveness."
Rambo looked confused. "What's that have to do with enemies?"
I paused. "Well, this is the time of year where we celebrate how Jesus came to forgive and redeem his broken creations."
"You're saying some guy came to tell his enemies everything was fine? What about justice?"
"What about justice?"
"Shouldn't the bad guys be punished? Take, for instance, Sasha. She did some bad stuff. Should I just let her go hurt other animals?"
"No, that's not what I'm saying at all. What Jesus did, and that's who I try to emulate (that means 'try to be like'), was come and die for his enemies."
Rambo stared at me blankly. "Die... for his enemies?"
"Exactly. He came and died so that his enemies might be rescued from their shortcomings."
Rambo blinked several times, trying to comprehend what I was saying. "And you want to be like this guy?"
It was my turn to blink several times. "Yes. Why wouldn't I?"
Rambo was speechless. "You don't... that's not how you deal with animals. Don't you know evil? Evil doesn't just... just change. Evil is evil. The only way to stop evil is to kill it."
"What about back when Seabert was in trouble? You went and risked your life for him when he got kidnapped."
"That's different! Seabert's my friend! What you're talking about is like me going to stop... Sasha! Stop Sasha from getting her due."
"Yeah, that's pretty much what I'm saying."
"And you don't find that crazy?"
"No. Well, yes. I do find it crazy. But I also think that Jesus knows better about what's right than me. So I just try to follow after him."
Rambo shrugged and stood up. "Whatever. As for me, if Sasha was about to get what's coming to her, I think I'd stand there and cheer. The less evil in the world the better."
"I agree. But there's two ways to get rid of evil: kill it, or redeem it. Which would you rather?"
Rambo was silent for only one second. "Killing's easier." He jumped off the table and walked away.
What did you think of our conversation? Should I transcribe more of them? Or maybe I can get a guest on and converse with them! Comment below if you have any suggestions, thoughts, or (duh) comments. What would you do to an enemy?
I started. "Hi Rambo, how're you today?"
Rambo shrugged, sitting lazily on a table so I didn't have to look down at him. "I'm fine. You?"
I tried to sit up in my chair so I didn't look unprofessional. "I'm okay." I balanced the laptop on my lap. "You don't mind that I'm writing this down, do you?"
"Are you writing down what we're saying now?" he asked.
I paused. "Yes."
"That's going to be boring."
I cleared my throat. "Anyway, I just need something to put on the blog and I figured a conversation between me and you would be interesting for the fans."
"Fans?" Rambo asked. "You mean your grandparents and maybe a bored crow?"
"Don't crush my self esteem."
"Whatever. What did you want to talk about?"
"Well, I was going to talk about enemies, but you seem a bit dour today (dour means grumpy, for anyone who doesn't know) so why don't you tell us why?"
"Us?"
"Me. And the fans."
Rambo smirked. "Right. The fans. Well, I've been busy. Watching out for intruders, keeping everything running smoothly, and making sure [redacted] and [redacted] are doing okay."
"Don't say that: people don't know who [redacted] and [redacted] are."
"Right. Still, the hardest part of 'that last thing' is keeping track of all the Sasha rumors."
"Sasha rumors! Okay, now maybe we can get onto the topic I wanted to talk about: enemies."
"Why would you want to talk about enemies?"
"Because enemies are relevant. Especially at this time of year."
"What exactly do you mean by that?"
"Well, it's Easter time. That's when we humans celebrate forgiveness."
Rambo looked confused. "What's that have to do with enemies?"
I paused. "Well, this is the time of year where we celebrate how Jesus came to forgive and redeem his broken creations."
"You're saying some guy came to tell his enemies everything was fine? What about justice?"
"What about justice?"
"Shouldn't the bad guys be punished? Take, for instance, Sasha. She did some bad stuff. Should I just let her go hurt other animals?"
"No, that's not what I'm saying at all. What Jesus did, and that's who I try to emulate (that means 'try to be like'), was come and die for his enemies."
Rambo stared at me blankly. "Die... for his enemies?"
"Exactly. He came and died so that his enemies might be rescued from their shortcomings."
Rambo blinked several times, trying to comprehend what I was saying. "And you want to be like this guy?"
It was my turn to blink several times. "Yes. Why wouldn't I?"
Rambo was speechless. "You don't... that's not how you deal with animals. Don't you know evil? Evil doesn't just... just change. Evil is evil. The only way to stop evil is to kill it."
"What about back when Seabert was in trouble? You went and risked your life for him when he got kidnapped."
"That's different! Seabert's my friend! What you're talking about is like me going to stop... Sasha! Stop Sasha from getting her due."
"Yeah, that's pretty much what I'm saying."
"And you don't find that crazy?"
"No. Well, yes. I do find it crazy. But I also think that Jesus knows better about what's right than me. So I just try to follow after him."
Rambo shrugged and stood up. "Whatever. As for me, if Sasha was about to get what's coming to her, I think I'd stand there and cheer. The less evil in the world the better."
"I agree. But there's two ways to get rid of evil: kill it, or redeem it. Which would you rather?"
Rambo was silent for only one second. "Killing's easier." He jumped off the table and walked away.
What did you think of our conversation? Should I transcribe more of them? Or maybe I can get a guest on and converse with them! Comment below if you have any suggestions, thoughts, or (duh) comments. What would you do to an enemy?
Friday, March 7, 2014
Rambo's Ramblings - Explanation
Ahem. Yes, so, uh, hello. Again. You probably know me as Rambo, the amazingly awesome cat from The Missing Kitten and Trapped. What's that? You haven't read Trapped yet? That's funny, because it came out March 1st. Oh, it didn't? Right, that's why I'm here.
Here's the lowdown. Jesse is busy. Busy, busy, busy. Busy as a cat trying to clean itself with only a quarter of a tongue. That is why he hasn't published Trapped yet. If I were in charge of this process, it would have been done weeks ago. However, I am a cat and cats and computer don't get along too well. Therefore, I leave such things up to Jesse.
What exactly is Jesse so busy with? Well, when one writes a book, it is necessary to be the best it can be. If it is not the best it can be, then the book will not get published. That's technically not true, 'cause lots of horrible books get published all the time. However, Jesse's is dedicated to excellence. This is why his books will be renowned for their amazing quality. Plus, I'm in it, so how could anyone dislike it? Sure, Jesse's writing style might bug you and the plot might not make much sense and some of the characters are poorly developed, but when you see my amazing action sequences battling robots and saving the world, you'll fall in love. But please, no more fan-mail, Jesse will never get done writing books if he has to sort through fan mail. He has enough of mine to look through (did I mention he doubles as my secretary?) as it is.
What was I talking about? Oh, right! Jesse is busy with such things as: correcting confusing plot points, plotting complicated character arcs, waiting for cover art to return from the undercover artist, comprehending squirrel mail, piloting flaming aeroplanes, and disposing of the leftover boiled cabbage. As well as doing minor things such as schoolwork, college work, farm work, cow work, and sleeping. If any of those things are beyond your comprehension, join the club. I have no idea why he's doing them, and I watch him do it for at least eight seconds every day.
I hope that answer all your questions. Now, remember: be patient, skunks are not going to take over the world after all. At least, not until you've read Trapped and it will be at least two weeks before such a thing happens. With that said, I hope you have a delightful day and beware exploding pineapples that might land in your backyard. I'm positive Seabert had nothing to do with it.
Here's the lowdown. Jesse is busy. Busy, busy, busy. Busy as a cat trying to clean itself with only a quarter of a tongue. That is why he hasn't published Trapped yet. If I were in charge of this process, it would have been done weeks ago. However, I am a cat and cats and computer don't get along too well. Therefore, I leave such things up to Jesse.
What exactly is Jesse so busy with? Well, when one writes a book, it is necessary to be the best it can be. If it is not the best it can be, then the book will not get published. That's technically not true, 'cause lots of horrible books get published all the time. However, Jesse's is dedicated to excellence. This is why his books will be renowned for their amazing quality. Plus, I'm in it, so how could anyone dislike it? Sure, Jesse's writing style might bug you and the plot might not make much sense and some of the characters are poorly developed, but when you see my amazing action sequences battling robots and saving the world, you'll fall in love. But please, no more fan-mail, Jesse will never get done writing books if he has to sort through fan mail. He has enough of mine to look through (did I mention he doubles as my secretary?) as it is.
What was I talking about? Oh, right! Jesse is busy with such things as: correcting confusing plot points, plotting complicated character arcs, waiting for cover art to return from the undercover artist, comprehending squirrel mail, piloting flaming aeroplanes, and disposing of the leftover boiled cabbage. As well as doing minor things such as schoolwork, college work, farm work, cow work, and sleeping. If any of those things are beyond your comprehension, join the club. I have no idea why he's doing them, and I watch him do it for at least eight seconds every day.
I hope that answer all your questions. Now, remember: be patient, skunks are not going to take over the world after all. At least, not until you've read Trapped and it will be at least two weeks before such a thing happens. With that said, I hope you have a delightful day and beware exploding pineapples that might land in your backyard. I'm positive Seabert had nothing to do with it.
Monday, October 28, 2013
The Day I was Kidnapped - Rambo's Rambling
It was a dark day when the man/person/thing kidnapped me to talk to me and ask me silly questions. Or, it could have been a sunny day. I can't remember. Come to think of it, I believe I was asleep when I was kidcatnapped.
It was dark when I woke (woke? waked? worked? work? work.) It was dark when I work in the small room, lying on a table with a headache.
Suddenly a light flicked on and a face, a human face, was inches from my own.
I did what any self-respecting cat would do: I screamed like a little kitten.
"AAAAH! Get away from me!" I darted across the table and leaped beneath it to hide.
The face reappeared. "You are Rambo, yes?"
I looked over at it. "Yes. What do you want?" I tried hard to keep my voice from trembling, but there was still a tiny tremor in it.
"I need information."
"What kind?" I tried to slowly move backward, but the human grabbed me and placed me back on the table. The light shone in my eyes, making me unable to look at in the direction of the face for more than a few seconds at a time.
"Hey, take it easy." Another face appeared, this one looked somewhat nicer. "Let's just stay calm and be nice."
"We need this information! There's no way around it. I have to know who Sasha is."
I froze. No longer was I trembling in fear, now I was quaking in confusion. "I beg your pardon?"
"Who is Sasha? Why is she after ivory kittens?" The mean human grabbed my neck and held tight. "Answer me!"
The nice human stopped his partner. "Stop it! We won't get any information that way. We have to play this cool and get on his good side."
"Look, guys or girls or whatever, I don't know. I've had a recent adventure which kind of explains some stuff, but it's not been proofread yet. And I'm not gonna force anyone to hurry. I want the best story possible to come out, which is why I'm not hurrying the best author there is."
"Jesse is the best author there is?" The mean one asked skeptically.
"Eh, he's in my price range," I shrugged. "Look, the book has been sent out to some of the proofreaders and I'm working with Jesse to get it sent out to the others. The book will be out by next year. Can you wait until then?"
The mean human looked at the nice one. The nice one shrugged.
The mean one turned back to me. "What choice do we have? But just to show how displeased we are, we aren't going to buy it the day it comes out! We're gonna wait until it is free on Kindle! So there."
The nice one bit his lip. "Or maybe just the day after it comes out."
The mean one agreed. "Yeah." He released my neck. "See you around, man... er, cat." He walked out with his partner.
I shook my head. "Crazy fans."
It was dark when I woke (woke? waked? worked? work? work.) It was dark when I work in the small room, lying on a table with a headache.
Suddenly a light flicked on and a face, a human face, was inches from my own.
I did what any self-respecting cat would do: I screamed like a little kitten.
"AAAAH! Get away from me!" I darted across the table and leaped beneath it to hide.
The face reappeared. "You are Rambo, yes?"
I looked over at it. "Yes. What do you want?" I tried hard to keep my voice from trembling, but there was still a tiny tremor in it.
"I need information."
"What kind?" I tried to slowly move backward, but the human grabbed me and placed me back on the table. The light shone in my eyes, making me unable to look at in the direction of the face for more than a few seconds at a time.
"Hey, take it easy." Another face appeared, this one looked somewhat nicer. "Let's just stay calm and be nice."
"We need this information! There's no way around it. I have to know who Sasha is."
I froze. No longer was I trembling in fear, now I was quaking in confusion. "I beg your pardon?"
"Who is Sasha? Why is she after ivory kittens?" The mean human grabbed my neck and held tight. "Answer me!"
The nice human stopped his partner. "Stop it! We won't get any information that way. We have to play this cool and get on his good side."
"Look, guys or girls or whatever, I don't know. I've had a recent adventure which kind of explains some stuff, but it's not been proofread yet. And I'm not gonna force anyone to hurry. I want the best story possible to come out, which is why I'm not hurrying the best author there is."
"Jesse is the best author there is?" The mean one asked skeptically.
"Eh, he's in my price range," I shrugged. "Look, the book has been sent out to some of the proofreaders and I'm working with Jesse to get it sent out to the others. The book will be out by next year. Can you wait until then?"
The mean human looked at the nice one. The nice one shrugged.
The mean one turned back to me. "What choice do we have? But just to show how displeased we are, we aren't going to buy it the day it comes out! We're gonna wait until it is free on Kindle! So there."
The nice one bit his lip. "Or maybe just the day after it comes out."
The mean one agreed. "Yeah." He released my neck. "See you around, man... er, cat." He walked out with his partner.
I shook my head. "Crazy fans."
Saturday, August 31, 2013
Rambo's Rambling - Cat Care
Class! Today Professor Rambo will be teaching you all on the proper way to feed cats. This information is straight from a cat, so you can know it is right.
1. Cats need four full meals a day. I prefer round meals over square meals, because my stomach is round. And when I say full meal, I mean a meal that makes my stomach full. So give your cats lots of food.
2. Must you pet cats so much? I mean, we get bombarded by people as soon as we're spotted! The madness, the germs, the tickling! It's horrible. Basically, all I want is for you guys, and girls especially girls, to leave us alone. Maybe a stroke or two a day, but that's it. Give us food and leave us alone.
3. The kittens are not superior to us. Perhaps this kind of contradicts the last point, but if you're going to snuggle the kittens, snuggle us too. We adult cats don't want to feel inferior to the little 'uns. So treat us all equal (and hopefully nicely).
4. Let us sleep! When we are sleeping, don't wake us up. Unless its lunch time. Then please wake me up, but leave everyone else to sleep.
There you go. A four point list to taking care of me. I hope you learned a lot, there will be a test. Though, if you give me a free meal, I'll go easy on you. Hehe.
Note: this report was not sanctioned or approved by the CCA (Cat Caretakers of America).
Wednesday, August 7, 2013
My Siblings
Hi! It's Rambo again. I stole Jesse's laptop. He was playing on his new one, leaving me access to the old one! Did I mention he bought a new computer? Imagine spending money on technology when he should be spending it on buying me treats! He muttered some excuse about his old one freezing up a lot (which is true, it took me six hours just to type this and that's not because I'm a slow typist) and that a new computer would allow him to write books more easily. I offered him to use a stick and the dirt, or a stone tablet and chisel, but he claims he can't upload those files to the internet (he's so picky).
Anyway, I'm here to tell you about my siblings: Spot and Butch. They're not really my siblings (I feel as if I've said this before...), we were just raised together.
Butch is a nice cat. He's golden with short hair and he's cool. He's close friends with Spot while I'm kind of a loner. Butch spends most of his time with Spot, actually, which can lead him into trouble. Here's why:
Spot is headstrong. She's brindle colored with a golden spot on her forehead, hence her name. She likes to boss people around, which means tell them what to do. Sometimes she gets carried away and ends up in trouble (like when she accidentally sent a kitten to its death, but that's another story). Most of the time she's nice, and if she does mess up she always tries to make up her mistakes.
Me? I'm just crazy. I like to imagine stuff, I like to make up stuff, but I'm loyal and willing to give my life for my friends. Last spring I had trouble with that, (I nearly died!). This fall was worse, but that's another story. In fact, Jesse's in the process of typing it up (since his handwriting is terrible, another reason he needs a computer...). I'll tell him he needs to type faster, because some people are complaining.
Oh! He wants me to mention that the reason he hasn't made many blog posts is because of such typing. I guess that's supposed to make things better, eh?
Well, that's all! Over 'n out!
Anyway, I'm here to tell you about my siblings: Spot and Butch. They're not really my siblings (I feel as if I've said this before...), we were just raised together.
Butch is a nice cat. He's golden with short hair and he's cool. He's close friends with Spot while I'm kind of a loner. Butch spends most of his time with Spot, actually, which can lead him into trouble. Here's why:
Spot is headstrong. She's brindle colored with a golden spot on her forehead, hence her name. She likes to boss people around, which means tell them what to do. Sometimes she gets carried away and ends up in trouble (like when she accidentally sent a kitten to its death, but that's another story). Most of the time she's nice, and if she does mess up she always tries to make up her mistakes.
Me? I'm just crazy. I like to imagine stuff, I like to make up stuff, but I'm loyal and willing to give my life for my friends. Last spring I had trouble with that, (I nearly died!). This fall was worse, but that's another story. In fact, Jesse's in the process of typing it up (since his handwriting is terrible, another reason he needs a computer...). I'll tell him he needs to type faster, because some people are complaining.
Oh! He wants me to mention that the reason he hasn't made many blog posts is because of such typing. I guess that's supposed to make things better, eh?
Well, that's all! Over 'n out!
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