The Struggle

   Have you ever been in the moment when you know you need to do something yet have no resolve to actually do it? That's how I feel now. I know the blog post is late. I know I need to put one out consistently or I'll stop altogether. Still, I have no idea what to write about. Therefore: I write the first thing that comes to mind. This is quite dangerous. Why? Because I have a strange mind.
   Still, this is the only place where I actually have a schedule. Sure, I have cows that need to get milked every day and pigs that need fed. But that's stuff I'm required to do. This is the only real thing I put upon myself to do that I've actually kept up. I tried writing books every Christmas, but eventually I failed at that. I tried writing novels, but that's been slowly pushed back. I've had Trapped (Kitten Mysteries Book 2) sitting halfway through the fourth edit for probably a month or two now. This is the only thing that has come out Friday after Friday. I enjoy blogging (most of the time) and I want to continue. Still, at times like this I have to look at my reasons for pursuing this and wonder if they are enough.
   I want to encourage people with this blog. I want to entertain them. I want to (if only to make a living) sell books. I want to interest and show people different sides to things. I want to see what people think and love to see it when people comment on a post. I just wonder sometimes whether its all worth it. Am I entertaining or encouraging? I don't think I'm harming anyone. However, not harming anyone is hardly something to brag about. The golden rule isn't "Don't do to others what you wouldn't want done to you." It is a positive rule: "Do to others what you would want someone to do to you." And that's what I want to do. I want to actually be doing good, not just refrain from doing harm.
   So here I sit. Typing away at this computer hoping to put together a competent blog post two hours after its due. Could I spend this time better? Probably. So why do I spend time at this? That is the question. And I guess, for now, I should either be content with the answer "I don't know", or stop altogether.

   Sorry to be so depressing. Still, sometimes I have to, need to, take a look at the things I do and decide whether they are advancing my own life and others'. Because sitting still isn't really an option; at least, not a good one. It's either forward or backward, there's not point standing here.