The Day I was Kidnapped - Rambo's Rambling

   It was a dark day when the man/person/thing kidnapped me to talk to me and ask me silly questions. Or, it could have been a sunny day. I can't remember. Come to think of it, I believe I was asleep when I was kidcatnapped.
   It was dark when I woke (woke? waked? worked? work? work.) It was dark when I work in the small room, lying on a table with a headache.
   Suddenly a light flicked on and a face, a human face, was inches from my own.
   I did what any self-respecting cat would do: I screamed like a little kitten.
   "AAAAH! Get away from me!" I darted across the table and leaped beneath it to hide.
   The face reappeared. "You are Rambo, yes?"
   I looked over at it. "Yes. What do you want?" I tried hard to keep my voice from trembling, but there was still a tiny tremor in it.
   "I need information."
   "What kind?" I tried to slowly move backward, but the human grabbed me and placed me back on the table. The light shone in my eyes, making me unable to look at in the direction of the face for more than a few seconds at a time.
   "Hey, take it easy." Another face appeared, this one looked somewhat nicer. "Let's just stay calm and be nice."
   "We need this information! There's no way around it. I have to know who Sasha is."
   I froze. No longer was I trembling in fear, now I was quaking in confusion. "I beg your pardon?"
   "Who is Sasha? Why is she after ivory kittens?" The mean human grabbed my neck and held tight. "Answer me!"
   The nice human stopped his partner. "Stop it! We won't get any information that way. We have to play this cool and get on his good side."
   "Look, guys or girls or whatever, I don't know. I've had a recent adventure which kind of explains some stuff, but it's not been proofread yet. And I'm not gonna force anyone to hurry. I want the best story possible to come out, which is why I'm not hurrying the best author there is."
   "Jesse is the best author there is?" The mean one asked skeptically.
   "Eh, he's in my price range," I shrugged. "Look, the book has been sent out to some of the proofreaders and I'm working with Jesse to get it sent out to the others. The book will be out by next year. Can you wait until then?"
   The mean human looked at the nice one. The nice one shrugged.
   The mean one turned back to me. "What choice do we have? But just to show how displeased we are, we aren't going to buy it the day it comes out! We're gonna wait until it is free on Kindle! So there."
   The nice one bit his lip. "Or maybe just the day after it comes out."
   The mean one agreed. "Yeah." He released my neck. "See you around, man... er, cat." He walked out with his partner.
   I shook my head. "Crazy fans."